


Sexy Cop, Bad Cop

by SoftBoyApollo



Category: Star Trek
Genre: Alien Biology, Alien Cultural Differences, Alternate Universe, Interrogation, Kissing, M/M, area 51
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:13:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25956538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoftBoyApollo/pseuds/SoftBoyApollo
Summary: Idk what the original prompt was bit something like Bones being the bad cop interrogating invading alien Spock and he doesn't get him to talk so then 'good' cop Jim swoops in and makes Spock talk by means of being a total hoe for Spock.
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Spock
Comments: 6
Kudos: 40





	1. The Interrogation

**Author's Note:**

> DISCONTINUED

Aliens, Jim couldn’t get enough of them. He had been monitoring them as a teenager with his self-made equipment, which he had put on the roof of his house in Iowa. That was years ago now. If time travel were possible and Jim would go to his 16 year old self to tell him he would be interrogating an elf-like alien at the age of 24, he knew his younger self would have sent him to a mental hospital or told him he watched too much fantasy dramas.

Yet here he was behind the mirror window, looking at his friend, Bones, interrogating an alien, which strangely looked like Legolas with a terrible bowl-cut. He wouldn’t have been here, waiting in line to interrogate the stoic, though admittedly handsome, alien, if it weren’t for Bones. Jim had somehow gotten his job after not only finding evidence of alien life, but also establishing radio contact five years go. Not much later after he managed to do that on a late friday night, he had one Lieutenant Commander McCoy at his door step, who rudely stabbed him with a needle and before Jim knew it, he woke up in Area 51.

Bringing Jim in was not the only thing Bones was responsible for. Jim’s job was to gather and analyse data, not interrogate people, but Jim’s life was known to take strange turns. One way too early morning he ran into Bones before he had his coffee. Awful man without his fix, but his panties were even more in the twist because of an apparent crying Russian in the interrogation room. Jim, wanting to help his friend in some way, purposed to give questioning the teen a try. The success gained them their good cop, bad cop reputation.

“Odd how he looks like a human with elf-ears”, Jim commented to the man beside him. Captain Pike slowly turned to him. “I know that look, Kirk. It is the same look you gave the girl who painted herself green and claimed to be an alien. Keep your head straight and stop falling in love with everyone who even remotely resembles an alien”, the Captain scolded him. Jim chuckled lightly and gave his superior a look that made no promises.

After at least an hour of the alien giving smart-ass answers without much content, Bones knocked on the glass. “Jim, it’s your turn. I’ll be getting coffee”, the Commander practically yelled out of frustration. Jim could swear he saw a small smirk of satisfaction on the alien’s face. “Go interrogate him, I need to make sure commander McCoy does not throw a tantrum… again.”

Spock was starting to grow tired. Commander McCoy was all screaming, slamming his hand on the table and the occasional punch. Spock wondered if he was like that all the time. For the sake of his family, if the man had any, he hoped not. Spock could only wonder what made the human think that this ‘Jim’ would have any better luck in getting him to talk.

Spock’s superiors kept telling him to not go down to the relatively hostile planet, but Spock could not help but wish to finally meet his correspondence face-to-face. The Vulcans had found contract several times, but to their surprise there was one human who learned their language somehow by whatever she could get her hands on. Nyota Uhura taught Spock during their frequent calls over radio to speak English. Given she was not extracted like others they had established contact with, he presumed visiting her was a safe course of action. Unfortunately he was proven wrong when both he and Nyota were extracted as soon as he came planetside.

The door opened and Spock kept his eyes stubbornly on his own reflection, until a body stood in the way of it. Then a hand came in front of his face. “Lieutenant James T. Kirk”, the human introduced himself, “I apologise for my partner’s rough treatment.” Spock did not move. He was worried what was at the moment happening to Nyota. He hoped commander McCoy was indeed going to get coffee. He did not wish for Nyota to also be interrogated by that man.

“What’s your name?” The interrogator took a stool and put it on the other side of the table. When he sat down, Spock finally saw his face. The Vulcan could almost feel his pupils dilating, his heart rate going up and a small layer of sweat forming on his hands. Those blue eyes seemed to glitter with the wonder with which they looked at the world and his smile was a poem in itself, filling the room with a feeling of harmonious righteousness. “Spock”, the Vulcan said slowly, without realising he was saying anything. That smile widened and Spock could see the aesthetic beauty of teeth as white as the clouds on a pleasant spring afternoon.

“Welcome to Earth, Mr Spock. Here we greet each other by giving each other a hand.” Jim extended his hand again, hoping the alien would take it this time. He could not believe he was sitting across from an actual real alien. The fact that it was a hot alien just made the blonde feel like a blessed man. He felt even more blessed when the other finally moved and took a gentle hold of his hand. Jim shook it with equal gentleness. His fingers brushed the other’s hand as he pulled his hand back. A small sound left Spock’s lips, a sound very uncharacteristic in comparison to the stoic and cold attitude he had mere moments ago with Bones. Jim looked at Spock with a raised eyebrow as he saw his cheeks flush green. “Are you okay?” Jim genuinely asked when he saw the other’s face turn almost as green as the girl Pike spoke about earlier. “You’re turning green, man, what must I do?” Jim reflexively stood up and put one hand on Spock’s shoulder, holding his hand again with the other. Spock struggled back, pulling his hand free with force. “I am in proficient state, thank you lieutenant Kirk”, he answered with a strained voice. Jim shook his head, standing at a small distance this time. “You do not seem fine, Mr Spock.” Spock straightened his back and looked strictly at Jim. “Vulcans kiss with their hands. I suppose my colour change is what you call… blushing.” Saying the words deepened the green hue.

Jim blinked at Spock before looking at his hand for a moment. “What is a Vulcan?” He ended up asking. “I am.” It took Jim another moment to put two and two together. When he finally seemed to have done the math, he grinned. “So we just basically made out?” He tilted his head with a wicked grin. Spock shook his head from shoulder to shoulder. “I do not believe that is the quite right term, but for now it is a proficient substitute.” Jim closed the distance between them and leaned down to Spock on the chair. “Want to experience the human equivalent of it?” Surprisingly, the Vulcan nodded, looking almost curious at Jim. Jim leaned down and gently pressed his lips to the alien’s. The Vulcan’s lips were dry, a bit busted from one good punch from Bones, but nonetheless warm and Spock gently leaned in the kiss in an almost timid gesture. The feeling of dryness was a little uncomfortable, so Jim took matter in his own hands and darted his tongue out, licking tentatively at the Vulcan’s lips. The gesture was returned with a small hum, which sounded positive.

Hours later Jim sat with Bones in the personnel’s lounge, sipping at whatever Bones managed to sneak in today. Alcohol was not permitted on the job, but these two man couldn’t care less. It was not like they were getting drunk or anything. “How did you get that hobgoblin to talk?” Bones ended up asking over his glass. Jim was always the one coming with the answers, but Bones had not expected him to do so this time. Jim grinned as he shrugged. “We made out”, he answered casually, making Bones choke on his drink. “You what?”


	2. Romeo and Juliet

“I made out with the alien, is that even a surprise?” Jim grinned smugly over the rim of his half-full glass. Bones ran a hand over his face with a frustrated grunt. “Why did you make out with the alien?” He asked, clearly about to shove that whole glass, including the glass itself, down Jim’s throat. Jim shrugged. “He’s hot”, he answered, “and very smart, kind, funny, oh Bones come on don’t look at me like that!” Jim laughed nervously. Normally, Bones would have been grinning, smiling or at least trying to hide he was doing any of those kind of things, but now he was looking absolutely furiously at Jim. “What if he brainwashed you? Jim, maybe you can get pregnant from that kind of stuff! Who knows what that sneaky alien bastard is up to? He is probably using you to get out and do weird alien stuff to you later!” Jim wanted to protest, but the door opened and both men struggled to hide the booze, thinking it was captain Pike. Who else would still be here?

To their surprise it was Chekov, the crying Russian from last year. He now worked here and piloted the drones sent to investigate alien activity. He looked pretty roughed up. His curly hair was standing up all ways and he supported a huge bruise on his left cheekbone. “What happened to you?” Commander ‘I-have-a-first-aid-certificate-so-I-am-your-doctor-but-I-swear-I-don’t-care-about-you’ asked as he was in front of the Russian in a matter of seconds. He gently held his chin as he inspected the younger’s bruise up close. Ensign Chekov, surprisingly, stood still as he let the older male inspect the bruise. “The lady, she hit me”, he said softly, thoroughly embarrassed he got himself beaten up pretty badly by a girl. Bones sighed as he pressed gently on the bruise. “You’re lucky she didn’t break anything, kid”, he said as he sat back down. Chekov nodded defeatedly, his face lightening up when he saw the bottle of alcoholic beverage. “Oh, can I have some too”, he asked with an almost childish smile. Bones almost immediately responded. “No way, you’re too young”, he said as he drank the last of his glass. Chekhov crouched down by Bones’ feet and put his hands on the older man’s knees. “I’m 18! Legal drinking age in Russia is 18!” Bones stared for a long moment into those puppy-eyes, clearly not going to budge, but Chekov did not seem interested in retreating his request either. Jim sighed and stood up. He nudged his glass against Chekov’s shoulder. “Take the remainder of my glass, but nothing more, ok?” The ensign took the glass with a big smile and thanked Jim before sitting down and happily sipping on the beverage.

“Jim, this is illegal and where the hell are you going?” Jim sashayed out of the personnel’s lounge. “Gonna give interrogating Nyota a shot”, he answered without looking over his shoulder.

Nyota was tired. She had stubbornly sat through the Russian’s first round of interrogation. He started off as polite and kind, but Nyota was not planning on saying anything. Especially not since after every silent treatment, ensign Chekov had the tendency to curse and insult her under his breath in Russian. Joke was on him, she was fluent in Russian. Second round he tried a more violent approach. Eye for an eye, Nyota returned the favour a bit more personal. She had not meant to punch him in the face, but she was getting tired of his shit.

The linguist wondered for how long they could keep her here. They could not keep her here forever, right?

The door opened again and Nyota was ready to punch the next person calling her ‘lady’, ‘ma’am’, ‘woman’ or ‘miss’. She did nothing wrong, for Pete’s sake.

“Hey, miss Nyota Uhura, right? Mr Spock told me about you…” Jim was hardly through the door before Nyota was at his throat. “You bastards better not have hurt him,” she threatened and Jim swallowed thickly. “I can assure you, Mr Spock is in perfect condition”, he said as calmly as he could while being stared at like he was the devil himself. She let go of him, sitting back down with her legs and arms crossed. Her ponytail swayed behind her, making the look she gave him a little less scary. “What do you know about the Vulcans?” Jim asked as he sat down at the other end of the room, so he at least had some time to react in case she went for his throat again. “That they mean no harm, are a peaceful race and don’t deserve to be abducted when visiting their friend”, she bit out. Jim nodded slowly. She had a good point. From what Spock had told him, the Vulcans were a race spending most of their time drinking tea and meditating.They were like space monks with strong eyebrow game and funny ears. 

After a rather short and passive-aggressive interrogation, Jim called it a night. He was sure he was not getting much out of the woman. At least not more than he got and all he got was her trying to tell him with every fibre in her body that the Vulcans were a good race. When Jim emerged from the interrogation room, two guards stood ready. “Don’t touch her and treat her gently”, he offered as a word of advice, “she probably could take on both of you”, he added before leaving.

Jim was about to go home, but he stood in the hallway with his jacket and backpack, hesitating. He knew Spock was now probably on a hard bed in one of the holding cells. The night was young and the local library was open 24/7, just like the library café. He had done it before with Gaila. Her scheme stood until the green paint wiped off. Such a shame. She would have made a hot alien.

Jim stood there for several minutes. Why would he want to take Spock out anyway? Well… If his specie was developed enough to travel through deep space, they definitely should be able to annihilate humanity. Better make one of them fond enough of it to defend it, right? Jim nodded at his A-Class reasoning, probably the logic Spock would be fond of.

The lieutenant turned on his heels and speed-walked to the holding cells, taking the small hallways to avoid the guards patrolling. He almost got caught peeking into Nyota’s cell, by Nyota herself of course. When he found Spock’s cell, he typed the anonymous override code in and opened the cell. “Listen, I have to bring you back before dawn, but would you care for a little human culture with me tonight?” He knew it sounded like he was asking Spock out for a date, but in a sense he was. Spock raised an eyebrow, before he nodded and slowly walked to the door. “Hurry up, I am not supposed to do this”, Jim urged and Spock quickened his pace. Jim closed the cell behind them and lead Spock on his route to avoid guards and other security measures. The two left through the hidden door in the back of the janitor’s closet, ran across the backyard, dodging searchlights and left through a tiny hole in the fence. A piece of Spock’s fancy black robe stuck to the wire, but Jim managed to pull him free without doing much damage to the robe.

A short car ride later, the two found themselves in the library. Jim had put his old beanie on Spock’s head to try and hide his ears. It did the trick. Sure the eyebrows were weird, but so was fashion. “A library”, Spock stated when they entered. Jim nodded and dragged Spock to his favourite section. “Real human culture, Mr Spock”, he grinned as he took a book from a shelf, hardly needing to search for it. “Ever heard of Romeo and Juliet?”


	3. Library Date

Jim read the entirety of Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet that night. They took a break after act III, scene III, going for a small break in the library’s 24/7 café. “What did you think so far of it, Mr Spock?” Jim asked as he sipped his café mocha. Spock had, unsurprisingly, ordered tea instead of coffee. He did seem to feel guilty about Jim paying, but there was obviously no other option. “Do humans always fall in love that fast?” The question muted Jim for a short moment. The tips of his ears gradually turned a little more pink as he thought of a good answer. “Some believe in love at first sight, some don’t. It differs”, he said eventually with a small shrug to appear casual. He took a good sip of his coffee. It was probably past midnight already and it had been a long day, so Jim started to lose his energy a little. “What about you?” Jim smiled kindly, almost proudly. He did not need to think of that question. “I believe in love at first sight”, the blonde said confidently. “Sometimes you just know. That it ends one way or another later is just life trying to push you to the best.” His smile stayed kind, though it twitched in the memory of past love. Jim had loved, had lost, had seen things he never wanted to see, but never had he had any regrets. “How do Vulcans fall in love?” He asked, unsure where the question, as casual as it came to mind, came from.

Spock pressed his lips together, clearly deep in thought. It then occurred to Jim that love may not be as universal as he thought. Vulcans were very logical after all and love, as beautiful as it was, was far from logical. Love was raw emotions, devotion, passion and unpredictable. Thinking about it like that, love seemed so un-Vulcan to Jim.

Spock gave Jim a long, empty look before answering. “We don’t. We get our partners assigned by our parents.” The answer hurt Jim. He was not sure why. Maybe because love was something so beautiful, he did not wish for anyone to miss out on it, especially not Spock.  
Jim wanted to protest, but who was he to teach Spock about his culture, while not accepting Spock’s? It would be hypocritical, so he just hummed and sipped at his coffee. The first awkward silence of the evening passed. It seemed way longer than it actually was. Surprisingly, Spock was the one to break the silence. “I’ve been meaning to ask you something, lieutenant Kirk.” Jim put his cup down and smiled compassionately. “Just call me Jim; go ahead, Spock.” Jim saw the other letting his name softly roll over the tongue to remember it. He seemed rather tentative to ask the question, only increasing Jim’s anticipation on what Spock could possibly have to ask him.

“That ‘making out’ we did is done between lovers, right?” The question seemed to continue, but the inquiry of what their relationship status was hung enough in the air that it did not need to be vocalised. Jim licked his lips nervously as he folded his hands together. He slowly rubbed them together, a little habit he had whenever he got nervous. “Well uh…” Jim swallowed thickly. “Not… not just between lover”, he muttered with a slight stutter, clearly shy about his rash actions of before. Yeah they did make out, Jim did not forget that. How could he? It was possibly the best makeout he ever had. Probably because the other was an alien, but let’s not talk about Jim’s obvious xenophilia.

Spock hummed lowly, processing the answer he was given, taking note of the indications of withheld information for later. He enjoyed the action, maybe a little more than he would admit. The link between the kissing and the lovers was not made, however, until Jim read ‘Romeo and Juliet’ to him. Spock suspected a more deeper meaning behind the choice of such a specific play while there were thousands of other books around. Out of all stories, Jim chose the one about two forbidden lovers with almost opposite heritage. It sounded too much like them to be coincidence, but perhaps Spock was over-analysing the situation. “I apologise for my misunderstanding”, the Vulcan responded. Jim told him it was a fault on his side, because he was not clear about human culture, but Spock was perceptive enough to see through that façade and sense a deeper meaning behind Jim’s embarrassment, though he could not exactly tell what it was.

The evening continued with the rest of ‘Romeo and Juliet’ and a rush back to Area 51. They took the same route back and Jim managed to put Spock unseen back. He was sure the only one who had seen them was Nyota, but for all she knew he was taking Spock for a late night interrogation. Jim was too tired to go home now and crashed on the couch in the personnel’s lounge. He did it often enough for no one to be suspicious about it. He just shouldn’t do it the rest of the week. Though no one would be suspicious about Jim being overly-excited to have a real alien in the facility, Bones would definitely find out. Bones always found out about his weird shenanigans.

The next morning Leonard was one of the first to arrive. It was his routine. Be there at eight, put the coat away and make a beeline for the personnel’s lounge to get coffee. He sighed chagrined when he saw Jim on the couch. He looked peaceful, though he was still in the mess of clothes he was yesterday. Of course, the kid probably sat like a creep by that hobgoblin’s cell all night. It was a surprise he even made it back to the personnel’s lounge. Leonard ignored Jim for the moment. It was too early for the commander to be bothered by an overly-excited xenophiliac. The door opened and Leonard held one finger to his lips for whoever entered. Turned out it was Christine Chapel. She mimicked the gesture and tip-toed to Leonard when she saw Jim on the couch. Leonard put a mug under the coffee machine and leaned down so Christine could whisper in his ear. “I just changed our guest in the appropriate attire and there is something I must show you”, she whispered. Leonard felt uneasy about whatever Christine had to show him before she showed the captain. He took his mug and followed Christine out of the room, closing the door quietly behind them.

“What is so important you show me before you show Pike?” Christine shushed him. “Quiet”, she snapped. Normally Leonard wouldn’t listen to anyone, but Christine was a different story. They walked the corridors to the dressing room attached to the test chamber. On the table was a heap of black clothing and Leonard vaguely recognised it as the robe the alien wore at his arrival. Christine picked the thing up and showed a hole in the back of the robe. “What this there before?” Leonard took a deep breath. No it wasn’t, he was sure of that, but what did that mean? The hobgoblin did not tear it in his presence and Jim did not mention anything about tearing the robe. Wait a moment, Jim… The guy on the couch, looking like he had a long night. The guy who made out with the damned alien.

“Yeah, I believe the robe was like this when he came here”, Leonard lied. Christine seemed suspicious for a moment, but she probably could not think of a reason for Leonard to lie, so she accepted the answer.


	4. Medical Examination

Leonard sat in the personnel’s lounge like a creep, staring at his best friend passed out on the couch. He had drank his coffee and walked around the fence. He indeed found a hole with a piece of distinguishable black cloth stuck to it. Leonard should be waking Jim up, because they were going to run tests on the alien and Jim seemed to be the one he was most cooperative with, but Leonard did not know how to act yet. Should he say something? Should he not? Well, the alien was returned safely back to the holding cell. Jim could have just let him out and told him to run for his life, but Leonard’s best friend did not do that. The alien could have overpowered Jim easily, going by the resistance he put up when they extracted him.

“Commander?” Leonard looked up to see Christine in the doorway. “Yeah, sorry. I did not have it in me to wake him. Poor kid was probably so excited he could not sleep last night.” Christine chuckled and moved away already. “Just make sure he is within ten minutes in the test room”, she sighed and left. Leonard rubbed with his right hand over his face. Maybe saying nothing at all would be better for now. He gently shook Jim’s shoulder. “Good morning, sleeping beauty”, Leonard greeted him with a fake grin, “come on, we’re gonna run tests today. Drink your coffee and be there in ten.” Leonard shoved the mug on the coffee table towards Jim. The coffee was lukewarm by now, but he knew Jim would drink anything to be at 100%. Jim nodded, looking a bit disorientated, and took the mug from the table. “What time is it?” He inquired with a hoarse voice. Leonard stood up, ready to leave so he could say as little as possible. “A little past nine”, he answered as he walked to the door, “see ya soon. I need to take care of something.”

Jim hummed with his mouth full of coffee as he held a thumb up. He had the feeling Bones was keeping something from him. He usually would have teased him a bit more. The blonde watched his best friend leave as he downed the coffee. It was no longer hot, but it was at least at a temperature that enabled him to drink it quickly. If Bones knew, he would probably have lectured Jim all morning. He did not, so Jim assumed Bones knew a thing or two, but not nearly everything that really happened last night. Perhaps all the other knew was that Jim stayed with Spock all night. Jim was aware Bones really did not like nor trusted Spock for a single bit. Jim spending the night in Area 51 with Spock should then probably be enough to set Bones off like that, just enough to not stick around, but not enough to act completely out of character.

Jim straightened his uniform and put the mug in the sink before walking to the holding cell. He typed his normal access code in and opened the door with two guards behind him to back him up. Of course Jim had told them their presence was unnecessary, but captain Pike’s orders overruled his assurance. Spock visibly looked more at ease when he saw Jim, though he seemed more tense than last night. “Mr Spock, please follow me”, Jim instructed with a kind, reassuring smile, meant to put Spock at ease. Jim could understand the Vulcan’s uneasiness. All he probably knew was that he was going to be put to test. If Spock had seen any movies in his investigation of human culture, he had all the reason to be tense. Not that the movies bore even close resemblance to the real thing.

Spock followed Jim close by. The guards behind him stayed so close, he could almost feel their breath against the back of his neck. Were he capable of feeling emotion, he would probably use the emotion fear to describe his current mood. They approached a glass door and another guard, only distinguished by the characterising uniform, opened the door for them. Behind the door was a hallway circling around a room. The interior was visible through the double-glass windows. Spock could see several devices, some resembling medical equipment on Vulcan. So it was a medical examination? That sounded a lot more interesting.

Jim guided him wordlessly onto a hard bed covered with thin paper. “Mr Spock, we will need you to take your shirt off. If you do not comply, we will have a guard assist you.” Spock could clearly see on Jim’s face he was not enjoying ordering Spock around. The human had a grin on his face, but it seemed forced. “I do not plan on fighting the procedure, lieutenant Kirk”, Spock answered in a way meant to comfort the other. He would have preferred to use Jim’s first name rather than his title and surname, but the company asked for greater professionalism. Spock reached for the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head, just doing the reverse of what lieutenant Chapel did when she dressed him in the blue shirt and black slacks.

Jim kept his gaze on Spock. Looking away like an embarrassed teenager did not fit his rank here. He should have thought about that, though. Jim had to bite the inside of his cheek to stop himself from audibly swooning over Spock. His chest was decently hairy, but far from looking like an animal. The hair was so evenly thick and almost symmetrical on the Vulcan’s body, yet it did not looked like it had received any special care. It just… grew that way. The skin that was not covered looked so smooth and soft. It was pale with a hint of a green hue, just like the rest of him. No tan lines in spite of Vulcan, or so Jim was told, being a desert planet. Then again, maybe Vulcans never tanned and tanning was just a human thing. Lions did not tan either, right? Do lions tan?

“Lieutenant Kirk!” Jim turned around to doctor Chapel, who apparently had called him while he was rudely staring as Spock’s half-naked body. “Could you please step aside, we need to get the patches on”, she sighed irked. Jim nodded and excused himself as he stepped aside. “Is it ok if I explain what this all is for?” He asked while shifting on his feet. He could imagine Spock, someone highly sensitive to touch, not liking to have those sticky things on his body. “Of course, but know I will correct you if you're saying weird things”, Chapel mused as her and her team worked on getting everything to stick. Apparently Vulcan hair was not so easy to have something stuck to. Jim smiled gratefully at the doctor’s back. He was glad she was as kind to Spock as she would have been to any human. “I hope you do. So Mr Spock, the patches are aiding us in checking your vitals such as your heart rate and respiratory rate. Later we, well doctor Chapel and her team, will use other devices to measure your blood pressure and lung volume. Finally we will take a blood sample for testing. That will be all for the first session of today.” Spock did not look at any of the nurses nor at doctor Chapel. His eyes remained trained on Jim as he explained the procedure and plans. Jim was pleased to see the small tension in Spock’s shoulders fall at the story. He probably recognised it as a medical exam. It was.

Spock moved his hand to one of the patches when the medical team stepped back. “If these patches are to measure my heart rate, I am afraid you will have to relocate them. My external anatomy may resemble that of humans, but my internal anatomy differs greatly.” Jim looked at doctor Chapel. She shrugged. Apparently they all assumed that because he externally looked like a human, he would so internally too. “Then where would your heart be, Mr Spock”, Chapel asked kindly as she was first to move and relocate the patches. Spock put his fingers somewhere near where humans would have their liver. What the hell was a heart even doing there? After doctor Chapel relocated the patches, one of her nurses turned the monitor on. The machine immediately started beeping like crazy. Jim was caught off guard by the sound and visibly jumped. He eyed Spock, who seemed unaffected by the sound. “Is your heart always racing like this, Mr Spock, or is it because I am in the room?” Jim playfully inquired with a grin to cover up his embarrassing jumpiness. The blond lieutenant saw the dark-haired alien raise a brow at him in the most judging look in the history of judging looks. Jim waited for a response, but apparently that look was all the response he was going to get for that remark. Jim sighed before he received a flick to the head. He yelped and turned to the one responsible. When did Bones get in? “Don’t flirt with the alien”, the older male warned as he took his place beside Jim.

Jim huffed. “Bones you’re no fun”, he whispered under his breath. He received a sideway glare for that.


	5. Lunch

Jim kept explaining everything to - and flirting with - Spock. The Vulcan seemed little affected by the latter. He surprised everyone with his cooperativeness. Jim received the credit for that and with it also permission to take Spock without any guards to the cafeteria for lunch.

Apparently Bones did not count as a guard, but he might as well have been. Before they left the room, Bones made a point of letting Spock know that he was armed at all times, as a precaution specially for him. The two humans left with Spock between them. Spock walked as rigid as always; Bones kept his eyes on the bowl-cut as if its existence offended him and Jim was uncharacteristically tense because of the tension between Spock and Bones.

Unsurprisingly the eyes in the cafeteria were all on the trio when they entered. Spock could not blame the humans for staring. Of course they all heard of the extraterrestrial in their midst and naturally none of them had seen one before. “So what do Vulcans eat?” Jim asked as he grabbed a tray for both Spock and himself. Spock took the one handed to him and followed Jim like a youngling following its mother. Commander McCoy in turn followed Spock, but not like a youngling. No, rather like a predator following its prey. “Vulcans have a very adaptable metabolism. However, because of our philosophy, we would rather not consume any animal products.” Spock heard the man behind him scoff. The Vulcan turned to the dark-haired human with a questioning raised brow. Commander McCoy returned the favour with the same gesture.

Jim was for a moment unaware of the other two having a ‘staring with a raised eyebrow’ competition. He kept thinking out loud which food would be preferable for Spock. Philosophy? Given how logical Vulcans apparently tried to appear, at least for as far as Jim’s knowledge went for now, that was the Vulcan word for religion, though they would probably deny having any. Spock’s options were limited to a veggie burger or a beet salad. “So which one sounds better?” He finally raised his gaze from the food only to see Spock and Bones still near the stack of trays. “Guys?” The two finally broke their gaze and moved their feet. “I apologise”, Spock responded when he was closer to Jim again. “I recommend to take the veggie burger since the salad looks disgusting”, Jim suggested with a clear disgust for the sight of salad. “And what are you going to take?” Bones asked, clearly not pleased with what Jim’s choice of the day was. He just knew what it was already, but Bones being the ever-hopeful man he was believed that if he questioned Jim’s choices enough, he might amend them. “The burger, what else?” Jim smirked, eliciting a displeased sigh from Bones. “You’re gonna get diabetes with your eating habits”, he complained as he grabbed a sandwich for himself. Jim could not quite see what was on it, but knowing Bones, it was probably chicken. “Bones, is coca cola vegan”, Jim asked as he grabbed a can for himself and held another in hand for Spock. Bones sighed again as he took the can from Jim’s hand and read through the ingredients list. After a short moment, he put it on Spock’s tray next to the veggie burger. “Have fun feeding the alien your junk food.”

Shortly after the three of them sat in the corner, most eyes on them. Spock had insisted on using cutlery. Jim had told him at least ten times that burgers were human culture and meant to be eaten without cutlery. Spock had countered that humans were an underdeveloped society. Jim was pretty sure he called humans savages. Underdeveloped or not Jim was enjoying his burger. It took him at least three bites before he looked up and saw the mutual disgust on both the other males’ faces. The origin of Bones’ disgust was clear. He feared for Jim’s health. Spock, however, was not so clear about his revulsion as the older human at the table, but Jim could already tell the smallest hints of emotion on Spock’s face. “Is something wrong, Mr Spock?” Jim asked after swallowing his bite. Spock raised his brows for a short moment, before he looked down at his burger and cut what seemed to be the first piece. “I do not believe it is a wrongdoing, lieutenant. I merely find your human eating habits to be repulsing”, he almost politely stated before taking a small bite. He seemed a little displeased at the taste of the veggie burger, but he ate it nonetheless. Jim frowned. Was it the meat? Was it the fact he ate with his hands? Was it him? “Uhm, Spock… what exactly is it that you find uh… repulsing?” Spock opened his mouth to say something, but Bones beat him to it. “Well first of all, do you have any idea how much fat is in that thing?” Bones had put his sandwich down, making Jim sigh at the knowledge that meant he was going to get a lecture.

“And secondly, you got sauce all over your face. I’m your best friend and even I find that repulsing.” Leonard handed Jim his napkins. The older male knew Jim always forgot to take those and always took twice as many to make up for his best friend’s eating habits. What he saw when the other took the napkins actually surprised him. Lecturing Jim about his eating habits and messiness was a daily occurrence everyone was used to. Normally Jim would take the napkins and wipe his face with a playful grin, probably enjoying getting Leonard worked up. Today, however, he looked almost ashamed of the ordeal as he wiped his mouth thoroughly. “Commander McCoy, on Vulcan it is against our philosophy to consume any products originating from animals. We also possess a strong aversion to consuming products without the usage of cutlery.” Leonard looked at the aliens, slightly impressed by noticing Jim’s out-of-character behavior too. Then again, who knows what those two were up to last night? “Want a piece of advice from me? Don’t drink that crap. It is like diabetes in a can.” Leonard pointed to the can of cola, before resuming his lunch. He was not up for culture classes. Jim quickly slipped back into character, telling about the whole history of coca-cola, as if it belonged to the must-knows of human culture. At most it was a must-know to understand obesity in the Unites States, but who was Leonard to break his best friend’s happy ramble?

After lunch, Jim and Leonard were forced to part with Spock. The alien needed to go for MRI scans and Christine was convinced Spock was not the violent type. Probably true, since the alien valued other living beings so much, he wouldn’t even eat an egg or something. “Okay, spill the beans.” Leonard looked up from his paperwork. Jim at some point had crossed the room and was now leaning against the commander’s desk. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Leonard folded his hands on top of his desk and looked innocently up at Jim. The blonde sighed and pulled a chair over, so he could sit near Leonard. He leaned close and spoke quietly. “You’re not as good in hiding things as you like to think you are. Well… At least not for me. So tell me what has been on your mind since this morning.”

Leonard sighed heavily. How was this kid both thick in the head and perceptive at the same goddamn time? The commander looked down and opened the drawer under his desk. In it was the piece of black cloth. He took it out and lied it on the desk, looking Jim dead in the eye. “I found it this morning”, Leonard clarified, not taking his eyes off his best friend.


End file.
